Twitter Romeo's

So I have been on twitter for the past few days and all I can say is that the amount of gay shit I read now is astronomical. Its like these faggots are waiting for the half naked baby with an arrow to shoot them in the fucking ass before they do something! Look here Casper the Lonely Ghost, if you want to fucking write poetry and copy and paste cheesy quotes off the internet, good for it, warning though, you look like a fucking idiot. Trust me, I was one of them, when I was like 12. Do you really think by tweeting love poems on twitter is going to get your dusty nut sacks off floor and become a man? Listen here faggot, go buy yourself a diary with flowers on it and then you can write all the gay shit you want till your balls run dry from loneliness. I'm sick of seeing guys constantly tweeting such unmasculine and stupid quotes! Place your trust in me and understand one day you will face palm yourself when you revive common sense in your punk ass brain! Do you think the girl is going to look at your tweets and fucking squirt juice out of her pussy from excitement? Fuck no! She is going to be laughing her ass off at how whipped and cheesy you are! From there, you are officially her possession, you are going to be her walking wallet, she knows shes got you hooked and there is room for all the gold digging or abuse to occur!

If you want to prove your love, go fucking do it in real life Quasimodo! Twitter is not the place for you to ejaculate your puppy dog, teenage hormone induced, cheesy, gay love quotes! Now I'm sure some of you butt-hurt Romeo's don't agree but that's all good son. It provides me with good entertainment at how pathetic you guys are :)

Faith in the current male population in NSW...destroyed

I am truly in disbelief of how amazingly gay and completely pussy whipped some of the guys in my area are. Fucking tweeting the gayest shit I have ever seen in my life. It makes me wonder what the fuck I was  thinking doing this shit when I was like 12. I mean are you seriously thinking being a keyboard Romeo is going to get your confidence and game on, pathetic loser!!

Ohhh damn she got a sexy ass personality...said no guy ever

Okay laddies and gentleman, if you believe deep down in your achy breaky heart that its love at first site then for all means keep it up. However if you have common sense continue reading. I'm sorry but when you meet someone randomly across the street and you are staring deep into each others puppy dog eyes, most of the time looks attracted you. Laddies, you can be the nicest, amazing woman in the world but if our male minds are not physically attracted then its going to be hard to for us to gain any interest! I'm not saying you have to be Miranda Kerr but at-least respect yourself enough to know that looks do play a factor in the introduction. This is mainly since in my opinion and research, guys seem to care more about looks then woman do. Basically I'm saying guys are more shallow and I'm a pretty good candidate.

For the record I'm am not glorifying being a slut or bitch, instead I'm am encouraging a more realistic mindset when it comes to attraction. If you walk around looking like Krusty The Clown then don't be surprised if guys don't turn your way. Same goes for us dudes, if we walk around looking like something out of Walking Dead same shit applies!  

Guys who type HEHEHEHEHEEHEHHEHE

Does the Friend Zone really exist?

The friend zone is quite a controversial topic in the male world. I myself have served time in the friend zone. The friend zone is a very mysterious place, the friend zone does not exist in reality but rather your thoughts and physical portrayal of how you reacted to the female. In order for a male to see the grim after life of a failed sexual advance on a female he must first believe he is in the friend zone or is totally unaware of his fate which is a fate worse then death. In essence what I am saying is, after serving so much time in the friend zone myself I have realized its dirty secrets which I will now for the first time share. Honestly girls do not put you in the friend zone, rather you put yourself in the friend zone. I bet you're all thinking about what I just said. Allow me to further explain this paradox.

Now its time for some tough love. When you are sexually interested in a girl you MUST let her know and make a move. There is no way around it...if you hesitate your fate is the friend zone. Most guys seem to think if they get rejected they are in the friend zone. This is completely untrue based on how you approach the situation, If you approach her with a fresh handful of roses from your mums garden and a box of lollies from Big W with all your happiness on her then she rejects you...that is how you feel crushed and feel friend zoned. She didn't put you in the friend zone, you just overacted and said she put you into the friend zone cause she simply was not interested. Now if you approach her confidently and not in a serious mood and get it over with then you will save yourself so much time. If she rejects you who cares! You're not in the friend zone and your inner confidence is boosted and she will remember you as a confident guy and maybe the next time you see her go for it again with a laugh. Better yet the painful "what if question" is no longer there to haunt you.

NOW! If you're a loser and think that this girl you like will one day magically realize how awesome your Pokemon collection is and fall in love with you, you are fucking a stupid loser. THIS IS HOW THE FRIEND ZONE IS CREATED! GUYS CREATE THE FRIEND ZONE NOT THE GIRLS! THATS WHY THERE IS SO MANY GUYS IN THE FRIEND ZONE! Here is a typical example...the guy likes this girl..he constantly hangs around with her cause he wants to fuck her but is too much of a pussy to ask her out. She assumes he wants to be friends since he is not making any moves and after years he finally makes a move and is rejected. This man put all his happiness and time on this one girl and got friend zoned years ago and now is crushed. If he simply asked her out years ago all this pain could have been avoided or he could of got her.

Perfect example from my life. I like this one girl. Absolutely gorgeous and nice girl. I obviously like her so guess what? I asked her out!! Sure I got rejected but now I know shes not interested and I am no longer asking myself "What if I asked her out?". I moved on now and I'm glad I got the chance cause I didn't put myself in the friend zone cause I tried and I didn't take the whole situation seriously.

In conclusion remember girls only have the decision to friend zone you if you give them the time! Most of the time its YOU who put yourself in the friend zone by being a pussy and not expressing your feelings. Just be the guy who likes girls and is comfortable expressing his sexuality and not being the guy who thinks his the next fucking Romeo and is willing to kill himself over a female.

P.S I once was whipped over a girl for 4 YEARS!! I got friend zoned so deep I hit bedrock.

ZONERS!!! NEW SPECIES!!...sorta

Sorry for the long period of no updates but I just got back from Friend Zone City. In the midst of my incarceration I have had an extended period of time to further study not only the Peteblock but a new species which I have been exposed to. I call these new creatures "Zoners". What is a Zoner? Well lets say they are not nearly as dangerous as a Peteblock but can be just as annoying. Now to clear things up I have been a Zoner myself so I guess I have my past self to be a test dummy. However I have also come to meet many Zoners which I have been shocked to see how far they have evolved into the empty void of the Friend Zone.

It does not end there. What truly fascinates me is they're completely clueless to it! During my incarceration I have studied two Zoners in particular. For legal reasons I shall not name them. I have given them nicknames to better distinguish them. First we have "Lord Friend Zone The Not So Great". This man is the bedrock of the Friend Zone to the point he makes ME look good. He lives in his sad, lonely, dark and moist cave made of tears and lubricant and his eery cries of desperation can be heard as legend has recorded numerous times. I have not met the King however his stories of Friend Zoning make me cringe. Legend has it once the end of times comes he will be released from his prison and come out to rid the world of all that is good.

My next subject is nicknamed the "Dark Prince of the Friend Zone". Laddies and gentleman I can say confidently this man is my favorite candidate since he is so clueless about his situation. Seeing him think he has his finger on the pussy trigger is extremely amusing. Anyone who has served time in Friend Zone City like me would easily recognize these signs and move on ASAP. However he thinks these signs are his ticket into Balls Deep Valley.

I do idolize these two greatly since they remind me of the good old days...when I was 12...or 13 but you get the point. I hope one day they realize the severity of their situation before its to late...LOL jokes they already hit bedrock :D

-Jason Tran
-PHD in Bro science
-Masters Degree in bullshit
-PHD in Petelogy
-University speaker

Thug Life F.t Jason Tran

This picture was taken at my mates birthday party. I was on my way to get some air, the room smelt like alcohol and smoke. On my way out I see my two good mates. They were obviously munted out of their minds and I decided to take a photo with these two. As you see I look completely out of place next to these two guys but I still got a pretty good photo.

Mother of Mercy...

Is this amazing creature female or male?

Just got deported off to Friend Zone City

Farewell brothers. Wish me luck.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

The Freeman Food chain

Freeman Catholic College. The ultimate place of learning and well behaved students who's key goal is to learn. In my opinion this is a load of well constructed bullshit. I'm not saying Freeman is a bad school by any means, what I am trying to say is that under all the fancy uniforms and clean classrooms lies a deep dark underbelly of back stabbing and dormant violence just waiting to explode.

Like every school, Freeman has many problems. What differentiates Freeman from other schools is that these conflicts are very top secret and usually occur in every year group behind closed doors. I am fortunate enough to be well antiquated with my particular year group, this provides me with a load of gossip and wisdom to know whats going on around. Before I continue, firstly I must explain the structure in my year group. The barriers between groups in my year is not particularly strong and we are pretty close. Of course we have the basics. The Asian's (my group) The wogs, the wog girls, the fat sluts, the rejects, the extra rejects, the commons and the lads (close mates of mine). Popularity is not a big deal in my year. Whats more important seems to be power and connections. The more connections you have with all the groups the more chances you will filled in on all the latest gossips and feuds which are about to erupt. Good thing for me I am well liked by the wogs and they are the link I have to much of the local gossip.

My group tends to keep to ourselves. This is good I guess as we stay out of all the drama. However a person like me who is naturally curious can't help but go out and try and connect with the rest of groups which populate the year group. Though conflict in our year group is rare, lately my year has been involved in some feuds with other year groups especially the year 12's. This has lead to numerous rumors and fights. Seems like the violence is rubbing off on the younger grades as me and the boys witnessed one morning, a pair of young year 7's or 8's punching the hell out of each other.

Like I said before Freeman under all the professional exterior lies a pool of gossip and tension. People tend to think of Freeman students as snobs and in some circumstances this is true. However this is not the majority of the population who all seem to harbor some deep, dark secrets and feuds which can erupt spontaneously without warning. There is often little build up in Freeman fights and random conflicts can be a result. I guess this is what makes Freeman not a good school, not a great school, but the best school (Mr Wooby). 

Falling off a roof

Well this was an interesting morning. Started off normally and was actually going fairly well, had to go help my uncle working on a roof at this crappy house. I guess I was still a little bit dazed out from getting up so early and shoveling my breakfast down my throat in like 40 seconds. This morning fatigue sure did not help with working on a roof. Now for the record the roof was only as high as the one you see in the picture. I'm alright except for sore back and ass.

It started with me just sitting on the roof handing my uncle some supplies since he did not trust me enough to actually perform anything. He then asked me to fetch him a few nails and unfortunately I  slipped on the slippery morning dew that had built up on the roof. I'm sure the next outcome is no surprise. I slid down the roof and landed straight on my back. Lucky for me I'm a pretty dense fellow and my body didn't shatter into a million pieces. As a result I got sent home early and now here I am blogging instead working on my religion assessment.

Jovonte The Cabra Nigga

Australian Accent? me?

It amazes me when ever my relatives from overseas come over to the land down under. Growing up in Australia I'm used to hearing the Australian accent so much, sometimes it feels like I can't even notice it anymore. This was not the case when my relatives from Canada came over for a holiday. First thing they noticed about me was my supposed "Australian accent" and I noticed his thick Canadian accent which sounds annoying in my opinion. This was pretty funny since he kept making me say the cheesiest lines. Examples include "That's not a knife...this is a knife!" or "Good day mate!"

This shows how foreigners can hear our accents even if we can't hear them. Like most dumb tourist he kept asking me stupid and ridiculous questions. One of them was do we ever ride kangaroos or eat shrimp on the bbq. I mean like really, how stereotypical can you get. I didn't really mind since it was fun to be interrogated by a Canadian for once. I still remember him pointing at a Koala at the zoo and screaming "omg wombat!" I nearly face palmed my hand through my skull when he said that. Its amazing to see how much foreigners love Australia's flora and fauna as well as the city landmarks.

To pay him back for the interrogation about my country I decided to do the same for him. I supplied him with some of our maple syrup and he hated it. I even gave him some Vegemite. Like most uninformed tourist he spread an excessive amount on his toast. I can still remember the vivid image of his face as he took a bite. His face seemed like it crumbled into a million pieces as he spat out every bit of the toast. I enjoyed our time together, it was mostly spent interrogating each other and making each other talk just to hear our accents. If you have not heard the Canadian accent its kinda a mix of the American accent. This is probably since his from Toronto which is more American based I believe unlike more of the French areas such as Quebec.

Never eating at an Indian restaurant again

Unfortunately I have been food poisoned many times in my life. One of the more frequent causes however is Indian food. Now I'm not racist and Indian food is actually delicious. However it does not come out delicious if you know what I mean. My favorite dish is 'butter chicken" absolutely divine.

Getting food poisoned is equivalent to having an alien lay eggs in your mouth and the babies are now ripping your guts out. However getting food poisoned by Indian food is like having lava splashing around in your digestive system. I mean like if you eat Indian food you know you will be ingesting some chilli  food. Unlike most restaurants which warns you about the heat of the food by placing like a pepper next to it, Indian restaurants totally ignore this foundation. For the record I'm not saying every time I eat Indian food I explode, I'm saying NEARLY every time I feel like I'm going to past away.

Indian food is a bunch of spices and random ingredients thrown into a delicious curry. Unfortunately the food usually comes out your ass like the music. I warn any of you guys who ever plan to invite a woman out for dinner to an Indian restaurant to come prepared for the worse. Not only will you smell of goat and spices for eternity but you might be spending more time on the toilet wondering why bad things happen to good people then in the bedroom with the lady. For the record once again I'm not slamming Indian restaurants in general because the ones which nearly killed me were very under class restaurants with what I believe not to be of the highest of standards. If you go to a reputable Indian outing I;m sure you won't be sleeping in the toilet. Just always remember when ever you eat Indian food, bring some perfume and have a good excuse for why you vanished for the past half an hour spewing your guts out.

P.S- Never take a girl out to an Indian restaurant if you have a weak stomach. You will regret it. 

When you think the bass drops and you begin dancing when it didn't even drop :'(

This has to be one of the most awkward outcomes you can possibly commit during your life at some stage. It's like the feeling when you walk into the wrong class room, or when you talk to yourself in public only to realize everyone thinks you're mentally challenged. I can however assure you this feeling is far worse.

Try and remember back to the last party or rave you attended. Try and remember that amazing and sensual build up to what you believe will be a dirty drop. Everything seems awesome till you think the bass is just about to drop its nuts. Then boom! You begin gabbering like a retard while the drop has not even dropped yet. Everyone is looking at you in disbelief and total pity. You only realize a few seconds later only to be humiliated for the rest of the party based on how long you were dancing to nothing. This has happened to me a few times. Its actually worse sometimes when the entire party begins dancing at the wrong time. You see everyone dancing like retards to nothing and it can actually be quite entertaining. As a result this will make the entire party atmosphere awkward as a retard doing a Rubik's cube.

It's not too bad when you do this at a rave because everyone is usually too munted or distracted to realize. However if you are at a party with mates, you can reaffirm yourself that you will be humiliated. Its not however the end of the world. You can quickly change the awkwardness directed at you through saying 'FUCK!" This will make most people laugh and forgive you. Just don't expect any miracles with some people who will hound you for a while for dropping your nuts at the wrong time.

Competitiveness in the family

To begin with I'm a pretty competitive person, in most cases especially when it comes strength or making deals on who can get the highest mark. I also have a pretty competitive nature with my older brother and dad. Being raised in a strictly masculine house hold has made me accustomed to constantly trying to out perform my brother in any way. This was present when I raced my brother to see who can get to the petrol station first to get the milk for breakfast. That did not end good, since my brother was a lot fitter then me back then. However this morning we had a big fight over who will take out the clothes. In my house hold I'm always the guy who has to do most of the work around the house. So how do we settle this argument? Easy, with a arm wrestle to see who will win and who will lose.

The match was fairly easy since I'm stronger then my brother. However he challenged me to push-ups and this was unfair since he knew my shoulders were still sore from my last workout. I'm usually not the type to back down, especially from a display of strength. So we took turns doing pushups and I was able to inch out 43 while he inched out 47. I lost of course and even though I won the original agreement of arm wrestling I had to put out the clothes. I guess it was easier then the time I arm wrestled my dad and he nearly broke my arm in the process of a grueling 3 minute arm wrestle. Yes I lost that too, however it was fun to put up a challenge to the old man for once.

The only person I'm probably afraid of going head to head with is my mum, any Vietnamese kid would understand how scary a pissed off Vietnamese mum can get once you set them off on a eternal yelling spree. Funny how I remember the time I challenged my mum to a cook off to see who can make the nicest Canh Chua. I'm pretty sure that's how you write it, anyways its the sour soup with lots of vegetables and fish in it, yummy. That turned out to be  complete disaster when my soup looked like something you would expect to get in McDonald's on crack and my mums tasted beautiful. I guess being competitive just runs in the family. Hopefully one day I can beat the old man in his own game of a good arm wrestle.

Childhood has been destroyed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ5_ZFKK2t8 WARNING!! If you have not watched this...you are keeping your innocence. However if you are like me and have been soiled long ago then watch it. Probably one of the most disturbing and horrible things I have watched in a very, very long time. It took one of my all time favorite shows as a child and turned it into something which made me cringe.

Rave's are so fun :)

I must admit in all my days, nothing is more fun then attending a rave with your best mates. I remember seeing my brother and cousins attending raves all the time while I was younger. I never knew what the big was about. This quickly changed when I begun to get into hardstyle and hardcore. The music was awesome, still I wondered how fun can a rave be?

The very first rave I attended was pretty shit. Sure it had cool lights and big name dj's present such as HeadHunterz and WildStylz, however I still didn't get the real feeling that I was at a real event. Lucky for me in 2012 I was fortunate enough to attend Bass Control with my best mates Maurice and John. From that night on I became obsessed with raves. It really opened my eyes to actually how crazy these events are. The blinding lights, wet chicks and ear bursting music instantly had me hooked. Bass Control is probably the best rave I have attended so far. It was followed closely behind by Masters of Hardcore. This was a killer of an event. After the event I can promise you my ears were about to burst. Nine hours of the loudest music I have ever heard surely nearly made me deaf. In the following months I attended yet another rave with a group of my mates called Supernova. This is was a small rave, it still packed quite a punch and left me craving for more. Some of the best Dj's in the world were there and nothing beat seeing all the munted cunts everywhere.

Now I'm sure it is no surprise that there is drugs present at any rave. I have been offered weed, ecstasy and my mate was offered some inhaler drug. I did not take any of these drugs. Its important to remember that people at raves are actually very friendly and a simple "no thanks" works wonders. Just relax and enjoy the rave atmosphere and I promise you will learn to love raves too.

I currently am dying to go to Defqon, StereoSonic and more Bass Control events.

Violence against woman

Alright, so I was watching Tv and I saw a pretty disturbing commercial regarding violence against woman. Before I begin, if you're a guy and you have hit a girl then, shame on you. When you ever hit a girl, you are saying three things about yourself. You are not a real man, you are a complete coward and ultimately you are not in control of your emotions. We all came from a woman and hitting a woman in my opinion is like hitting life in the face. I have seen this type of violence first hand when my dad went apeshit and I can tell you now it changes you forever when you see that kind of shit. It's easy to see it on the tv and turn a blind eye, but when you see this happening before your eyes to your own mother it can really fuck you up emotionally.

That's probably why now one of my golden rules in my life is to never cross that line. There is never a reason to hit a woman out of YOUR own anger just prove a point. You're just proving what a coward you are. Now I'm going to sound a little stereotypical and sexist but men are generally stronger. I'm not saying all woman are weaker then men. I know heaps of girls who would fuck my shit up any day. However we are talking about the typical couple. The man is usually stronger and so he should protect his girl!

Basically I was raised by a typical male farther. He wanted me to be strong, brave and in control. However hitting woman is never a choice for me no matter how pissed off I get. If a girl is throwing an emotional fit and is slapping you that's bad too on her part however as the man hitting her back is never an option. You're the man, so act like one and take control of the situation properly.

Girls can be cockblocks too!?

This is truly a dark day in my life. I realized how deadly a female can be once she embraces the cockblocking science. I am still in complete shock and dismay from my first encounter with a female cockblock. I always believed girls to be too well mannered and timid to be any real threat when it comes to romance, how very wrong I was...

Allow me to walk you through my day. Recently I just finished going to the gym. I was on my way home and thought I would hang out at the park for a while. My brother was busy so I had time to kill. Anyways as I was admiring the beautiful park and all its natural goodness, I see in the corner of my eye two girls. One looked absolutely beautiful, a fairly tall Asian girl and another one for my sake I nicknamed Shrek. Tall, fat and completely rude (the irony). With my testosterone levels sky rocking I quickly raced over and started up a conversation. First both girls were a little timid however I quickly got the beautiful girl talking and enjoying our conversation. Shrek was not happy however, she was rude, fidgety and constantly shooting me dirty looks. Not like I cared, I kept ignoring her since she was being so annoying. Through the whole conversation she kept on saying "Oh lets go", "We gotta meet up with the others", "Oh its hot lets go get find some shade!". Yeah right I bet Shrek was just late for her lunch of village children. 

It finally got the point where I tried asking for the beautiful girls number. This was completely fucked up by Shrek when she started yelling at me for being a creep. Firstly her friend was clearly enjoying the conversation and was about to give me her number. Shrek was just probably hungry or jealous.

In conclusion I was learned how deadly a female cockblock can be. They are much more direct and aggressive then most males. Hopefully she does not evolve into a Peteblock :(

P.S I did not get the girls number...she let Shrek convince her to walk away :'(

Gay Music in the Gym :(

Music is essential in any athletes performance in the gym. In addition music is essential in everyday life, especially when you're pumping some heavy ass iron, the last thing you need to hear in the background is "THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL!!" I mean thank you for the compliment, but really that's not exactly going to boost my testosterone levels.

Its even worse when you look around and see every bodies faces in disbelief. I remember this one time when Niki Minaj's song Space ships played. "Lets go to the beach, lets go get away!" Yeah that shit.
Anyways I remember seeing everybody laughing and smirking because of how awkward the atmosphere became because of such a gay, annoying song. Personally, I don't really mind these artist outside of the gym, however if I'm trying to train hard, that music makes my estrogen levels sky rocket. Why? I have to admit that song by One Direction, "One Thing" gets stuck in my head every time I hear it, unfortunately this makes me keep tapping my feet and bobbing my head to it since its so damn catchy!! 

I was thinking of making a workout track for my gym to play. I'm sure many of the other guys would enjoy that, not sure about the laddies though. It does not seem right to play such teenage music in a gym where nearly everyone can't fit through a normal door. This only leads to everyone staring at eachother to see who will be the next to sing the Gangnam Style chorus.

Jason The Troll Tran

Who is the man behind the bullshit? Well today I will give you a little insight into my life and my origins. Basically I'm an Australian with a Vietnamese background. I love my rice and currently 17 years old. To explain me in every detail will take forever so lets go over the basics. I live in Sydney and am Catholic. I went to a shit primary school called John the baptist. Growing up I was the awkward, shy fat kid who was often bullied. Pretty funny when ever I think back. I don't take these kinds of things seriously cause we were all kids then. I have one older brother who I used to clash with like everyday. My parents are divorced and so forth.

So how about my personality and traits? In general I treat everyone with respect AS LONG as they treat me the same. I am a genuinely nice guy and kinda quiet unless I'm actually interested in talking to you. However once you get to know me, I can be the biggest troll. In my group I'm probably the one who projects all the jokes and trolls onto my bro's. Sometimes I might go a little far but hey, that's who I am. I love laughing. Ask any of the guys and they will tell you I'm mostly a very jolly person with a good sense of humor based on trolling and sometimes other peoples embarrassments. However I also have quite a unstable temper SOMETIMES! I may be a nice person however I seem to get pissed off pretty easily depending on whats happening. As a result I can get easily agitated by people who are being annoying or intentionally hurting other people out of sheer selfishness. However these events are rare and I am often a very happy and cheerful person.

My hobbies include bodybuilding, boxing and attending raves with mates. I also enjoy trolling people and reading CERTAIN books which are entertaining (I'm not a book worm) . I also enjoy exploring interesting places and gaming with the bro's. I'm an occasional drinker and when I do drink I can really do some fucked up things. No regrets cause I really don't care about negative things like that. I'm also into cooking. Yes call me a bitch but I can cook and I enjoy cooking and occasional baking if my mum helps me so I don't burn down the house. I also like kids, since I have a lot of baby cousins which I need to baby sit often. I do not like the older kids...the pre teen or 10 year old kind.

SO that's about it :)

Intimidated by beautiful girls???

Yes, she's heard it all, she's seen it all, and she's felt it all. All the vibes of lust and longing perpetually projected at her. So she's usually more than a little bit jaded. And the power she wields is mind-boggling. She's also well aware of the immense power she wields.

That's what most guys these days believe. Sure it might be true. However this is a completely irrational and stupid mind set to be in. I don't blame you if you believe this because I was like this too at a stage! Many guys look a beautiful girl and immediately think shes superior then they are! They think shes some immortal goddess of supreme power. This is by far the worst mind set you can be in. I'll explain why and some tips to help you get over this.

Next time you feel intimidated by a beautiful girl remember these few things okay? Remember that under all that beauty and sexiness, shes only human. Remember that she sweats, pisses, cries, swears, smells and shits just like YOU! and every other freaking human being! Shes not some perfect creature which is abolished of any kinds of mistakes! Yes I said she shits! Woman do poop okay? Its not a myth! Remember this beautiful creature you are pissing your pants about, sometimes gets really bad food poisoning and absolutely destroys the toilet!! Remember this beautiful creature sometimes has horrible, bad body odor. Remember she has a family life and is not always this center of attention beauty queen you think she is.

Come from this mind set and you will see there is nothing scary about these girls. If they act all stuck up and perfect then well, they are not worth your time! Deep, deep, deep down they know they had that bad curry last week and bombed the toilet, they know they drank too much last weekend and vomited everywhere. They have gross things too! So do not treat them like they are a billion dollars!

Now this ain't no excuse for going out now and treating woman like trash. You always treat EVERYBODY with respect. Regardless of looks, race, gender etc. Just don't be intimated by stupid things and go for what you want!

Getting Tea Bagged on the Bench Press In the Gym

So today was chest day. Yes the holy day of bodybuilding and the bench is the chapel. Today, that temple has been desecrated! I was on my last set. yes the set which feels the heaviest and most dangerous. I was without my lift buddy so I had to recruit some additional help from my fellow gym rats. I was careful in selecting my spotter because if they fuck up, my neck will be gone. So after a few minutes of fake stretching I see this other bloke near me. He seemed nice and big enough to spot me safety

Now that I had my spotter I was ready to hit my last set. I gathered up all my remaining strength and pressed the bar. I started out fine, got least 7 reps by myself before my muscles started becoming jelly. That's when my good old friend started to perform squats on my face! It smelt like rotten cheese and metal. I was doing my last rep so all my focus was on getting that weight up so it does not kill me! As a result my eyes were fixated in one direction. Up into the deep crack which contains his nut sack. Now I will add the shorts he was wearing were tighter then a virgins vagina. I could practically see every detail in his groin area as he slowly squatted on my face and making my eyes water like they were fucking onions. So he spotted me for two reps and the last rep was the worse. I had to hold my breath and try not to laugh as his nut sack dangled like fish hook above my eyes. I kid you not they nearly touched my glasses. So after I finished with my set we said our goodbyes and I quickly went to the bathroom to let out all the laughs I was holding in as well as get some fresh air!

Did the hyena's eat Mufasa's corpse???!!

SO there I was. Extremely bored and nostalgic from watching my favorite Disney movie, the Lion King. Everything was all fun and games till the saddest scene in movie history hit.

Mufasa being trampled to death and I swear I felt as if I wanted to cry. Go ahead call me a lil bitch. I don't care it was a fucking depressing ass scene. Poor Simba and shit trying to bite his dads ear off and shit like that. Made me feel as sad as when I was a kid. In the midst of me reaching for the tissues something hit me. Something that has made me question my childhood and ultimately made me sick to my stomach.

Did the fucking hyena's eat Mufasa's corpse! I mean think about it for a second alright? The hyena's were starving in that wasteland they lived in. They hated Mufasa. Most importantly, lions can't bury! So the most practical thing I could think of was that the hyenas ate him! So now I'm thinking about it and how this could have mentally scarred me if it was in the movie.

Nature of the Peteblock Featuring David Attenborough

Hello, my name is Jason Tran, professor in Peteology and today it is my greatest privilege to explain to you the nature of one of the deadliest creatures known to man. The Peteblock. Throughout my research I have been able to work with the great David Attenborough. This man has been all over the world and has recently gathered key information on our research of the Peteblock.

Why do we study this magnificent and deadly creature? Easy, because it is a thrill. It is a challenge and it will one day prevent any further pain. During my exploration and study on the peteblock I have studied the diverse nature and personality of such a aggressive yet amazing creature. David would agree. He has too contributed heavily to my research and the information presented today will also be based after his amazing research.

Throughout my research there has been times I myself have been attacked. These attacks have left me with valuable information. These vicious and impulsive attacks have been the nature of not aggression, instead an attack out of male jealousy. It has reveled that these so called "aggressive creatures are no more then jealous and competitive predators. This key factor is what separates the cunning and swift Peteblock from the less advance and direct Cockblock. The Peteblock is simply much more intelligent and cunning then its less advance cousin. This is a pivotal finding which shows the evolution of what I believe to be a male genetic mutation which has developed the Peteblock far beyond its normal physical capacity. Now keep in mind the Peteblock is a natural born and cunning creature with a stealth approach. I have realized in my research that if left without any targets the Peteblock is a mere annoyance and practically harmless. However once the presence of an attractive female is present, the peteblock is quick to attack with what David Attenborough has described as "Ruthless, vicious and completely genocidal". These attacks are often quick and deadly. I have carried the scars of my attack and I can personally inform you that when provoked, a Peteblock can rapidly transition from a docile creature to what I quote "A Beast".

Peteblocks seem to enjoy rather crowded and diverse crowds. This is due to the fact that more prey is available. It is quintessential  to remember to always remember to carry a can of pepper spray when ever attending any event with attractive females who you fancy. Attractive females are the number one attraction for a hungry peteblock. Woman, make sure you always stay with a protective male who can defend you from an attack which is often fatal or life scarring.

Signs which can indicate an inevitable attack are as follow. The infamous side look. This look is what I quote as the "Look of death". If any Peteblock ever stares at you while looking side ways, you better be prepared to fight or your life. Furthermore if a Peteblock is smiling with his head tilt slightly backwards while maintaining eye contact you must be ready to run. Now if the Peteblock approaches and does not attack immediately, however begins to touch you or your love interest in any manner, be prepared to run.

Thank you for reading and remember to watch the Discovery Planet tonight when Bear Grylls goes into deep Australian parties and confronts the Peteblock! Will he survive? You don't want to miss this!!

Jason Tran- Professor in Petelogy, Expert In cockblocking science, PHD in Bro science.

How to Stop a Cockblock Attack!!!

If you are reading this I applaud you for taking a stand against cockblocking! I...Jason Tran...Professor in Peteology and Cocblocking will today give you my own professional steps to repelling a cockblock. These tips are based on years of personal research I have conducted on the field, risking my own life and limb to save others like you. Now if you area lady reading this, please pay attention because this can save you one day as well.

I have conducted these experiments through real life research and personal risk. I advice nobody to take these extreme measures and be sure to obtain a PHD in Petelogy before undertaking any further field research onto Cockblocks. Now remember that cockblocks are extremely cunning and aggressive creatures. Use these tips with common sense and great care.

Step 1: Never...Never...Never ever try and blend the cockblock into your conversations!! This is exactly what the cockblock wants!

Step 2: Move you and your interest away from the cocblock as smoothly and causally as possible without arrousing your interest as this will endanger the conversation.

Step 3: Reassure and calm down your interest. He/she will probably be frightened by the awkward approach and you must maintain the level of comfort you had before hand while keeping the cockblock out of the conversation.

Step 4: Ignore the cockblock!! This is very very important as the more you ignore him the more chances he will get the message and leave you alone.

Step 5: Be upfront about your intentions if all else fails. Simply express to him/her to leave and if necessary swear and be as angry as possible.

Step 6: Signal your wingman to come to the aid! You must get help if all else fails.

Adventure In the City

Today was an adventure. It started off with me spending my morning period completely worn out and stressed. I was fed a tiny cheese and bacon roll and this was stupid considering my massive appetite. Practically I spent my morning cleaning windows and cooking breakfast for my baby cousins.

Then the time finally came and I was whisked away to Cabra train station where the boys werealready waiting. As I walked towards the group I saw the distinct body shapes of all their unique builds. John Vargas with his lanky, tall build. John Nguyen with his large, tall and ghetto build. Melvin with his obviously short and Bruno Mars look. Loranz with his trademark big ass black glasses. Finally of course Shelly and Ryan who were dressed as cool as a cucumber. Dom then followed close behind looking like a bus drivers worse nightmare.

The fun started as we all scrambled to find a seat among the ocean of busy people rushing to their very important jobs. We all got split up and I ended up with John Nguyen. You can imagine how hard it was squishing two big guys onto a very cramped pair of seats. Our legs were touching and for a second I thought he was going to rape me. However this quickly passed then we proceeded with our usual conversation of bullshit.

It seemed as a life time has passed before we got to Town Hall. I was fucking hungry and so were the rest of the boys. We finally arrived at Pizza Hut all you can eat. It was indeed a great feed. Firstly it was pretty sad since there was like only a few pizzas going around and eight growing boys were starving. It turned into a every man for himself and quickly erupted into anarchy. I was left with a meat lovers with no meat...basically a bread lovers. While I was eating with my fork and knife, all around me were noises that you expect to hear in an alien movie. Poor Pizza's being torn to shreds as the boys dug in as if they were starved for months. We quickly finished then proceeded for ice cream which nobody could finish. After a long session of talking shit and insulting each other we left for some shopping at West Fields. It was pretty sad seeing all the nice clothes which we could not afford however this was fixed with the presence of a great man. On our way back we saw the old man who loves the Bull Dogs and smiles. We all got a lovely picture together then went to do more shopping.

Once again we were too poor to afford anything however some of the boys were able to purchase some pretty cool items. We then left and went home shortly after buying some cream puffs. I swear I nearly burned my tongue to hell eating that shit. We then went our separate ways and said goodbye.

The Friend Zone

Alright if you're reading this I'm sure you have done time in Friend Zone City. AKA- Guy Hell..and it sure as shit lives up to its name. SO what is the friend zone? Well if you don't know let me educate you on the harsh truth. Truth is...we have all seen the Friend Zone in action through out our whole lives....Remember Ash from Pokemon? This dude was pretty much the king of the friend zone...How about Snape from Harry Potter? He was basically the God of the friend zone. Or Superman and Louis Lane??

You see the friend zone is everywhere! Trust me I have served time in the friend zone and it sucks more then being cockblocked. Yes I just said it! Worse then cockblocking. Why? Good question. Firstly the friend zone is pretty much a one way ticket. You get sent there...you pretty much can kiss your chances goodbye. Unless you magically contract Brad Pitts money and looks expect to be stuck there for good! Secondly, if you get cockblocked you still have a chance with the woman. Cause its not the woman ruining it. However in the friend zone, the woman is the person who is wearing the trousers. If she puts you in the friend zone...sorry mate.

Now legend has it that some brave men have actually escaped the friend zone. Yes...some may have escaped but they are not the majority! Want to know how to stay out of the friend zone? DON'T GET STUCK THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! You like a girl? Go get her...don't wait cause that's going to get you friend zoned Ash Ketchum Level. 

Post Trauma Stress Syndrome of Cockblocking

If you are reading this I am truly sorry for the unbearable pain you must have experienced by the hands of a cockblock. I myself Jason Tran. Professor in Petelogy and Cockblocking can assure you, I have experienced it just like you. I have survived countless cockblocking attacks by the deadliest that cockblocking can throw at me. These attacks have left me scarred and I understand the pain you have gone through. Like many who have been a victim of this ruthless crime you may feel as if you will never recover. However I will in this article explain some tips you can use to get over this issue as well as further information on this horrible mental scar.

Symptoms can be quite diverse based on the mental will and experience of the victim. Young victims may be eternally scarred till they are old enough to some how get professional help. Basic symptoms include, anxiety in public, fear of other males, distrustful attitude to other males, depression and anger.

When I was cockblocked I remember the post trauma I experienced. It took many months of rehabilitation to fully recover and use what I have learned to study these deadly creatures. I can promise you this. It is possible to regain yourself from a bad experience. You need to surround yourself with your best male bro's. You need to go out and speak to more woman. You need to reassure yourself that deep down you can recover and come back stronger. 

Simba The Calculator Ngyuen

Alright I get it, his names Simba...yes the same one after Simba from the Lion King. Don't worry I too was mesmerized by his completely amazing name when I first met him during high school and now his one of my best friends/adviser/tutor.

Simba...all I can say is he has a very complex and diverse personality which I am still getting the hang of. However in a nut shell Simba is probably one of the most loyal friends I got. He is a man of integrity and is not afraid to show his own stance and personal beliefs. I respect this among anything. He at times when we are all relaxing is always a clown. Quick to make jokes and pull funny poses in various photos. In saying this however he can quickly go from Simba to Mufasa in a blink of an eye and give out what I believe to be rock solid words of wisdom and kindness.

He was actually one of the first people who welcomed me into the group and was always willing to help and support me from the start. All in all Simba is a man of integrity and is a fantastic bro. Now this is not all. Simba is probably the most gifted person I know in the field of mathematics. I have never seen a person so passionate and good at maths in my life. He can literally solve nearly any problem in front of him and is very smart in other subjects too. Simba enjoys a wide variety of activities such as gaming, bike riding, used to be a good martial artist, attempting to cook, solving a rubics cube in like 20 seconds and playing a nice game of cards or showing off his multiple magic tricks which leave a crowd in shock (including me). 

How to cockblock

Well...well...well. Welcome to the number 1 article on how to cockblock!! Now I do not endorse cockblocking however if you ever have the sudden urge to completely screw over one of your mates then continue reading and learn from the very man who has survived the worse that cockblocking can throw at him.

Hi my name is Jason Tran and I am the expert on Peteology and the science of cockblocking. Now I myself am a veteran of numerous cockblocking attacks and I have endured them all. From my encounters with the deadliest cockblock on the planet I have learned the supreme and deadly arts of cockblocking down to a science. If you want to ruin relationships, if you want to keep the population down, if you want to be the best cockblock you can please read and buy my hit book, Cockblocking 101 which has ruined many lives.

Step 1: Be as Awkward as FUCK!! The more awkward you can be the better! Now im talking about standing there between your two targets and doing what ever is possible to make it awkward as fuck. Stare, smile creepily, and you will in no time ruin the chances of the poor male or females chances of getting romantic.

Step 2: Even if you do not know what the fuck they are talking about try your absolute best to blend in and join the conversation. Agree, laugh and try and take the conversation away from the person who initiated the conversation romantically. This can be done by interrupting the target, laughing at stupid moments, or keep saying "ah ha...ah ha...ah ha..." while nodding your head as awkward as possible.

Step 3: Touch the targets love interest. Okay laddies and gentleman this has happened to me and it works like a charm. While you are intercepting their conversation try and touch the targets love interest in an awkward and freaky manner. This will break the connection between the two and make the love interest too freaked out to continue speaking to the initiator. Touch their arms...their legs...playfully punch them...or just being a fucking gay cunt works :)

Step 4: Cockblock quickly!! The longer you hold it off the stronger the targets will become emotionally. So make your entrance as quick and as disrupting as humanly possible. Push in...elbow the target out of reach of the love interest. As long as you do it quick and as shocking as possible the better the chances the other steps will work because this will break the connection between the targets and daze them.

Step 5: Flirt with the target in an awkward and creepy way. This is absolutely key to cocblocking because it will infuriate the target to the point of explosive anger! Basically act flirt like a rapist and this will for sure end the interaction for good.

Step 6: Always be on the look out for the wingman! This is a cockblocks worse enemy. They are both opposite in nature and cannot get along. Before attacking your target make sure you survey the room and make sure no close friends are nearby as they can be potential wingmans. 

Cockblocks

Oh boy...here we go. For all you bro's out there we all know that one guy or girl who cockblocks you on every occasion you speak to the opposite gender. Now from my experience I have only been cockblocked by males and never females so for this article it will be about males in general.

Now relax and think back to that one party...where everything was all sunshine and rainbows. Where the girl of your dreams and you were chatting. Where everything seemed to be going great. Then out of the fucking blue comes...wait for it....a cockblock!! Now these cockblocks will pose as your friend just trying to talk. HOWEVER any real friend will never purposely cockblock his mate. I mean if it was a girl who you had no interest in or it was some cruel joke fine, but if this was a real time attempt of cockblocking then we got a problem.

Let me explain this to you using experiences from my own life story. It involves my good friend John Vagina Vargas. So picture this, John is walking with the lady he likes and things are going well. Then the cockblock strikes...and he strikes hard. John is completely pushed out of the frame and the cockblock has ruined the interaction which at that point cannot be repaired. That was a good example however allow me to tell you another from my own personal experience. Basically I was at my mates birthday party and I was conversing with a particular lady over some cake. Now it was a very casual and relaxed conversation. This was however before the cockblock arrived. He arrived in vintage cock block fashion. Used his body to kinda create a disconnection between me and the girl and also by being awkward as fuck. This was the perfect attack since it created an awkward atmosphere to the point where the girl would be so freaked out she can no longer converse.

Now if you are ever being cockblocked I urge you to use these next few steps. I had to learn this for myself through actually being cockblocked. Firstly IGNORE THE COCKBLOCK. This is basic and might work if the cockblock is not a serious threat. However if this does not work, try and move you and the girl away physically while trying to make it seem casual. If its at this point and the cockblock is still being an asshole I urge you to get help from your dedicated wingman. Or do what I believe works better. Turn around. Look the fucker in the eye. Now say "Bro you're cocblocking...fuck off!"

Whipped Motherfuckers

Alright I guess the topic at hand is quite obvious. The topic of bullshit today will be whipped motherfuckers. Now this can be either male or female but for the laughs lets concentrate on the guys this time alright?

Now in my day I have seen many couples come and go but rarely do I see males completely brainwashed and overly attached to their girlfriends. Now for the references I was one of them so I sure as hell know how it feels and looks, but hey I was like 13 so leave me alone. However the whipped motherfuckers I see these days are like 16-17 year dudes who treat woman like their Princess Peach. I see them completely engulfed in the girl. Now remember there is a clear line between being a good boyfriend and her pet.

For example creating gay ass nicknames for each other, obsessing over them like you will marry them, always trying to get their attention...Now before I continue you don't have to be in a relationship to be whipped...the amounts of time I seen guys trying all these gay tactics to try and some how manipulate the girl into magically falling in love with them is too damn high!! That's how you get put into the darkest and most horrible place of all...."THE FRIEND ZONE!" I have been in the friend zone and it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkks. However I learn from my mistakes. So now how can you identify these whipped dudes? Just view how they act...they will treat the girl as if shes like some goddess. They will put all their happiness on that one girl. They will agree with her on anything! Like a girl can be like "I love sky diving!" and the typical whipped cunt will say "yeah me too!!" while deep inside he has some deep, dark phobia. In addition they will do anything...anything to get her attention and once they do they fuck it up by worshiping her and guess what? That's a free train ticket to Friend Zone City motherfucker! Just like the great Joker once said "Im just a dog chasing cars, I wouldn't know what to do with it once I caught it!" That's a whipped motherfucker right there...they get the girls attention then suck up...they get the girl and become her slave cause they have no direction.

Maurice The LG Slayer Nguyen

Okay ladies and gentleman this happy chap you see in the photo with his finger high in the sky is none other then Maurice. Its hard to describe this dude in a few sentences but I will try. I actually met Maurice for the first time during high school. Now his one of my best mates.

Now let the bullshit commence. So if you're reading this and you know Maurice you will understand how much of a sick cunt he is. In the recent years he really has become a real confident motherfucker and now is probably one of the funniest bastards I know. He is usually the one who can always troll me back or make my antics and jokes even worse by laughing his ass off in front of the poor bastard being targeted (I wonder who). Now im sure you are wondering why he is called the LG SLayer...Well dumb ass firstly its because the guy loves LG's and they love him. You can see the guy drooling at the mouth when ever he even smells one of those younglings around. Maurice has always been a happy and cheerful individual who's humor is nearly identical to mine...we both love teasing and trolling people and attending raves. Yes Maurice is my rave buddy and the guy sure loves his hardstlye. Can't wait to see this cunt pop a few pills and become a complete retard for a whole night LOL.

Now Maurice also enjoys playing some game called LOL...never played it but I have played Dota which is similar. I don't even know if the guys good at it but he seems to enjoy it. He also is a Batman fan such as myself. Now from the article so far you might get the impression Maurice is either a junkie or gamer however he is one of the smartest blokes I know. Does maths like its child play but hey we  are Asian. He also enjoys eating various foods and practices the arts of TKD and other forms of cool martial arts while maintaining his ongoing and ever present humor and joy.

John Phammy Pham

Alright calm down ladies. This man here is the one and only John Phammy Pham. Now im sure your busy admiring his awesome hair and Korean good looks but continue reading this shit. So a little background on this guy basically I have known him since the beginning of high school and in the few years which followed he has become one of my best mates and most trusted bro's. He is 16 and is actually Vietnamese and single for all you horny bitches out there. Now lets go onto the topic at hand which is his actual personality and bullshit.

John in a nut shell (yes I have a lot of friends named John) is a top block with an attitude of gold. Never have seen this dude angry or upset. He is extremely chill and a guy that's easy to have a chat. However his not boring by any means and is actually a funny cunt once you get to know the bloke. He is always the first guy to laugh and makes every situation seem less tense. On top of that he is a loyal and trust worthy friend which I can rely when ever I need something.

He is also into his gaming. The amount of times I hear this bloke talk about LOL or Dota is too damn high! But hey its a fun game and im shit as fuck at it so im in no position to complain. In recent years John actually went to Bass Control 2012 with me! Never knew the bloke can dance and party so hard. Pretty fucking funny seeing him gabber the night away to hardcore and hardstyle. Im sure he will a regular on future raves and I already have my eyes on Defqon and Stereosonic with this sick cunt soon!

TheAaronSon (Ruler Boy)

TheAaronSon...wow me and this guy go way back. In fact all the way back to year 3 where we first met on the top of a dusty and dying playing field. I remember the day like it was 8 years ago. He looked like a walking stick figure and I looked like a boulder. Good juxtaposition I guess. Who ever said opposites don't attract? Well enough of that, lets just say we got well and now his basically my wingman/bestfriend/adviser etc.

Now that our origin story is done lets start with his background. Aaron is a 16 year old Cambodian boy with a love for cars and sarcasm. Now anyone who knows Aaron will immediately know his...lets say unique body structure. Long, thin and dark, its hard not to miss him. If that's not enough the guy sounds like a fucking humpback whale fucked a gorilla with a bit of depression thrown in there. Aaron didn't originally go to my primary and instead went to the primary just down the road! No wonder why when he showed up he was so shocked with all our Catholic practices. Oh yeah did I mention he is an atheist? Not that I care but its rather funny since we usually tease him about being apart of the Illuminati or being a Satan lover (HE IS NOT ONE RELAX).

On to his personality Aaron is quite straight forward while still be very complex in nature. If you don't know the guy he can be modest, quiet and conservative. Hell I have known him for ages now and he still is like that! However once you unravel the layers on top he is a nut job. Aaron has a sarcasm problem and can sometimes be a stubborn motherfucker. Yet this is balanced with his dark and in my opinion controversial humor (like mine). Its a running gag in our little group that we associate Aaron with being the dark and serious one however he really can be the biggest joker after me of course. Aaron is also known for his deep hatred of cockblocks (I wonder who) and people who are leaning too far on the feminine side (not a homophobic) He is also a devout Tumblr user and loving brother and cousin to his various relatives.  

John Vagina Vargas

Oh boy...where to begin with this dude. Basically Iv known this guy since primary and now his like one of my best mates. However out of everyone in our group he probably has more things to tease him about then most of us. John is a 16 year old black Filipino bloke with a strong passion in dancing (very good at it).

Now this is where the bullshit starts. It has been a reoccurring gag in our group to tease John about his nervousness and shyness to girls. Poor John would have so much trouble talking to girls I would sometimes have to yell at his ass for a good hour to get him to even say hi! However this is the past since he can now speak very well to the ladies. John is also one of the biggest homophobes ever. Not saying his the type to bash a gay person however he seems to be very uncomfortable around them to the point where when John The Poor Nguyen touched his leg. He immediately brushed Johns hand off quicker then Peter cockblocks. We then began to tease and creep him out by touching him and making him want to cry like a little girl. It got the point where he was about to run away from us!

John also is a very awkward person in general which is why he is so awesome. There was a point where I thought he was the physical embodiment of  awkwardness. John has probably tripped more times then peter has cockblocked. Good example would be the time he completely stacked it out of my car, or ran into a pole and scarred his knee...or fucking up his knee while dancing and getting slapped in the process. He once even took 1 hour to make a phone call to a person I will not name.

Lift Fags

Alright this is quite a controversial topic and is based on my experiences. So to begin with what is a lift fag? A lift fag is an individual who begins weight training exclusively because of the trend. Everybody im sure these days have heard of the saying "DO YOU EVEN LIFT?". Personally I believe it is this slogan which has contributed to the creation of the lift fag. These lift fags join gyms because its "Cool" and something that nearly every teenager is doing these days, why? Well quite simply cause they are influenced by movies and their own friends.

Now how do you identify a lift fag?It is quite easy to be honest. Next time you go gym, loo for a group of teenagers clustered together wearing snap backs, fancy shorts and vans. Lift fags are usually clustered together cause they think going gym is a social event and should be treated as such. One of the biggest things lift fags do is of course lift heavy ass amounts of weight. Now I mean weight that is so heavy for them they basically can't even get it up without their mates dead lifting their tiny arms up.

Great example from my own experience in my gym. We have a group in our gym which I have taken the initiative to name "One Direction". One day while me and my cousin are working out I see in the corner of my eye One Direction being gay cunts as usual. One of them which I nicknamed "Twig" picked up a 32 kilo dumb bell and attempted to do a chest press while his fag of friend which I named "Janoskian" filmed it on his phone. Basically Twig had two friends on each side lifting his tiny arms up for him. Then this is the funny part his range of motion was so small, his elbows were barely even moving so it looked completely fucking stupid. Oh wait this ain't the end, after he finished (or his friends) doing like 4 reps...He begun to jump around like a faggot with an STD in his ass crack and screaming for joy. He ran across the gym like a headless chicken and thought he was top shit. I simply laughed my ass off while looking around to see all the other gym veterans shocked and jaw dropped in disbelief.

So yes please do not be a lift fag. If you are starting out bodybuilding, please for the love of sushi USE A WEIGHT YOU CAN LIFT!!! Do not use a large amount of weight you can not safely contract and stretch against your muscle group.

John The Poor Nguyen

Alright...we all have that one friend...the one who can't seem to afford anything! Not a biscuit...not a grain of rice etc. This is where my good old pal John comes into. John who is one of my best friends by the way has a spending budget tighter then a virgins vagina.

He hails from the harsh streets of cabra which he believes to be the ghetto...as such John has some how unbelievably contracted an African American accent!! He sounds like a straight up ghetto nigga from the hood you expect to see in movies such as Bad Boys. Its rather fucking weird to see an Asian with such a great black accent but hey if you are skeptical come on down to cabra and see! Now its also a running gag to tease John for his weird body size. John is a fucking massive dude for a guy who does not lift. His calves look like those meat things at Kabab stores which twirl around and get calved up. His hair is also quite funny since sometimes it grows into what I have many nicknames for..."Black Guy Sebastian" "Burning Bush" "Afro" "Birds nest" etc. However in some rare occasions John will completely shave his head!! Now I mean not till the point his like shinny bald but still very short. This is the point where he looks like a scary motherfucker from the ghetto with duck tape on the side of his eyes.

Now back to the money topic its a running gag in our group to tease John for his cheapness to material things. Often remarking "Im Broke MANG!" or "Why, I can just download it?". Even though John can be a little cheap sometimes that's no problem. All you need is his accent and enormous hunger to make you laugh...not to mention his shoe size which is fucking huge! So yeah bottom line is John is the quiet muscle like guy till you know him...after you know him he can be one of the fumiest yet scariest mofo's around!

Hyphy Mud

Ok to begin with I love bodybuilding. Its fun and something I take great joy and am passionate about. So what is hyphy mud? Well lets just say its a pre workout. A very cheap and prison orientated pre workout. For any of you other gym freaks out there you would know that supplements are very expensive these days and can be dangerous if you are not stimulant resistant . So one day while I was surfing youtube and broke out of my mind I stumbled across the youtube channel of the great Kali Muscle. Kali Muscle invented this potent drink while being held in a state prison in the US. The drink consist of 1 table spoon of instant coffee followed by a quarter of your favorite soft drink (Better with Coke and Pepsi) What sets this pre workout apart from the others is that it is not really a supplement, rather it is a easy substitute.

Furthermore hyphy mud is extremely cheaper and safer then most of the workouts on the market today which contain nearly double the amount of caffeine and stimulants. Instead of buying a tub of pre workout for $50 which will only last you for a short 40 days or so you can go down to your local petrol station and buy a 2 liter coke and can of instant coffee for under $10.

Tsar Susino

In all my days I have never met a more passionate, crazy teacher. This guy loves history more then I love cake. He makes nearly every lesson enjoyable due to his passion which is sometimes rather scary. However In saying this his teaching is in my opinion of the highest standards. By the way for you people who don't know what a "TSAR" is that simply means ruler in Russian. Moving on I believe if all teachers at my school were like this my the school would be ten times better. Oh before I forget he is actually Italian so yeah...his not Russian but who cares the point is that this guy is nuts. In a good way of course and I have the up most respect for his drowning passion on history.

PeteBlock

Peteblock: The deadliest of the male cockblocks. He is known for his relentless annoying approach and mercilessness towards his fellow male comrades. If you ever suspect of approaching a woman  make sure to take great care in observing if your surroundings are safe before making your move.

The Peteblock is truly the master of cockblocking to the point where the guy in Wedding Dress looks bad. If you see him approaching quickly and smoothly try to move away. This is a very hard procedure as he is extremely persistent and aggressive. NEVER stay and try and blend him in because the guy has no common sense and direction to get your signals of anger and annoyance. If approached by an aggressive peteblock first do not make eye contact. This will reassure him of your discontent of his arrival and maybe he will leave. If this does not work try your best to ignore him and make sure your female interest is not completely scared out of her mind by him. A few minutes of this ignoring is usually what it takes to repel such an attack. However keep in mind this is the peteblock. The most dangerous of the male cockblocks and as such should be treated with great care and with the assistance of trained professionals who can handle him safely.

 If you have been peteblocked before let me reassure you that you will be forever anxious. I myself have been a victim of this vicious attack multiple times and I urge all Australian males to take great care when confronted by a Peteblock. Be sure to travel and have your close friends by however remember a peteblock is a deadly adversary and even the most experienced of wing mans can be crushed beneath his great cocblocking influence.

If you are the girl be sure to aid in repelling this attack against the male being targeted. This will not only save him a world of pain but save you the pain as well. Now remember always be aware of your surroundings and carry a fully loaded can of pepper spray if all else fails.

- Jason Tran
-Professional in the Peteology